Life and Art

Yesterday, StopKony2012 took the world by storm.  While I watched the video, as I’m sure most people did, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of selfishness in our culture and look at the selfless acts of this father trying to teach his son about how the world sometimes works.  Now I’ve known for quite a while about the effort to get help to the Ugandan government to track and capture Joseph Kony and am now grateful that I am not one of the uneducated many.  While the world gets behind or criticizs this movement, think about the lives you could have had, had you been captured by Kony.  As a female, I am appalled at the lengths he went through to abduct young girls from their homes only to have them serve one purpose, sex slavery.  As a parent, I am mortified to learn that children are afraid to sleep or leave their homes for fear of being abducted by the LRA.  How can a child live with themselves knowing they were forced to kill their own families for fear of death themselves at the hand of Kony and the LRA?

While many will criticize this movement as another politically motivated event, I stand behind this movement and urge others to do the same.  Think of the fear, anguish, sadness that must be so overwhelming in the Ugandan people.  No one, not even our worst enemies should be subjected to such awfulness.  Think, as a parent, what you would feel to wake up and find your child missing or worse holding a gun to your head.  Kony must be stopped and if enough people get the word out, I believe he will be.

Keep the Ugandan people and the Invisible Children in your hearts, minds, and prayers.

Today the question was posed by me to my husband when we are going to expand our family. The silence that I got in response was a pretty good indicator that we are never going to expand our family. Truthfully, I went into this marriage completely informed and confident that we both wanted the same things from each other. Now as the years pass, I don’t think that we are after the same things anymore.

It really hurts to know that I still want what I came into this marriage wanting and he doesn’t. I really don’t understand how things could have gone so wrong. I am truly in love and whole heartedly believe that I am with my soul mate, but I constantly wonder what if?

While I finish my shift at work, I have come to the understanding that not all of people’s flaws or misconceptions are truly their fault. Take my new employee for example, yes he is very slow to learn his job, but understanding his other work experience is where the facts of his learning curve are seen. His previous employer was under the impression that everyone was a moron, so to make mistakes less likely to happen, his supervisor did everything, labeled everything, and pretty much made it so there was nothing to learn. Coming to work here with me has been quite the eye opening experience for him. My job consists of the entire chemical expraction of drugs from urine. I’m responsible for the complete extraction and analysis of the samples while I work from 4p-1a.

My understanding has also shifted to the psychotic (and probably completely comittable) neice my husband has. Yes, I get that she can;t tolerate anyone that’s happy or content with how they are or how they live. I understand that she was brought up in a place where most people didn’t want her. But the true understanding must come from me. I understand that she seeks attention (probably not in the best way) to get people to hear her. Now, don’t get me wrong, she has a mouth on her like a trucker, but I understand her reasoning on trying to bring others down. I may not agree with it, I still don’t like her as a person, but, as my husband says, I have to see where she’s coming from. I see it and I still don’t like it. But I suppose I can be a little more welcoming. That last part was a lie, the shit she says and does just makes my skin crawl, and I can’t leave it in the past because it was all directed at me.

Yes, I am overweight (still working on losing the 110lbs I put on with my son, five years later) but I’m working on it. It doesn’t mean that you have to rub it in my face. It doesn’t mean that everytime you try to argue with me you need to call me a fat cow. It doesn’t mean that you can teach your 3-yr old to call other people fat and a bitch (bad parenting by the way). I also look like a child, which constantly has people confused when I kiss my husband in public (I giggle a lot inside when I walk by them). Just because I’m 25 and he’s 52 doesn’t make anything I do childlike. Ending an argument with I need to grow up when you’re 6 years older than me is you needing to grow up. I understand all of that now and it kind of sucks that it took my complete and utter hatred for this individual to realize that. I am me, I’m happy with me, and I love me.

Why is it that some people’s ambitions in life are to try to bring others down for their failures? I don’t understand how people can still exist in a world of tolerance when that is how they act. How can one exist in a world where berating people os no longer acceptable? I’m speaking of this because as a person on the receiving end of someones hurtful words, I feel like it should no longer be kept quiet. How can someone’s total disregard for other people be an everyday topic of discussion? Until these lessons are learned, I feel like I am going the be the target of these hurtful words for a very long time. I guess I should give some background with this post so it can be better understood. I met my husband 7 years ago and we were married a year later. A month after our elopement I gave birth to my now 5 year old son Gabriel. When I married my husband, I didn’t marry his 30 year old niece ( my husband is 27 years older than I am). However, the fact that she has destroyed any relationship she might have had with her family all by her own doing, she never ceases to amaze me in the blame she tries to put on me. I have been verbally berated by her for years. And while I live my life, she continues to try to put me down. There isn’t much that I can say about her that is kind, but I also don’t go out of my way to berate or talk about her. She’s not worth my time or energy. The only thing I can preach is tolerance. Tolerance of others ignorance is the only way to move past others hatred.

Today started off as any ordinary day. I woke up, I got dressed, and I started my day as usual. With all of that, I also came to some life changing decisions. Today I decided that I am going to finish getting my teaching certification. I also decided that I want to go back to school and get my masters degree. At this point in my life, I at least deserve to finish some of the goals I set out for myself. I’ve also decided that I do live being a chemist, but I feel like I need to at least try to go after my dream of becoming a doctor.

I’ve also come to the conclusion that I am going to finish my photography book. With Gabriel now going to be 6, I feel like it’s time to take the leap. I do love my life as is it is right now, but I want to see what I can accomplish if I push myself just a little further.

“I never could have done what I have done without the habits of punctuality, order, and diligence, without the determination to concentrate myself on one subject at a time. “
Charles Dickens

As I look at the now bare trees in my small little town, I can’t help but long for the spring months. I enjoy the fall the most because that is when I am most inspired in my photography. I’m a bit of an amateur photographer in my spare time (which with my ever increasing work hours) is not that often. Although my husband and I were unable to tale Gabriel to the Mowhawk Trail this year, I was able to find some new places to photograph.

Going back to spring. Spring inspires me to be a better person. I get very grumpy in the winter months because I don’t like the cold weather. Spring looks to me like new life, with all the trees coming back to bloom. The slowly melting snow and ice make for some amazing pictures also.

“Pictures are an insight into the takers soul.”~Cheryl DeCoff